What a Pisser!

If I were a social anthropologist, perhaps I'd write my dissertation on Kuala Lumpur toilets and call it Squatting or Sitting: Tradition vs. Modernity in Downtown KL. I'd discuss toilet styles and accoutrements as a metaphor for ongoing religious, social and ethnic conflicts in the contemporary Malaysian capital. I’m no anthropologist but I do have some piddling comments after spending two days in KL recently.

Like Thailand, squatting toilets in Malaysia have been giving way to globalized western “sitters.” Squatters in circa 2008 Thailand are as passé as the plastic toilet paper containers that once doubled as napkin holders in Thai restaurants. The traditional Malaysian squatter, however, lives on in various unexpectedly contemporary venues.

To wit, fancy shopping malls. Even though my return KL-Bangkok flight departed at 10:30 pm, I checked out of the hotel in the early a.m. to avoid the afternoon rush hour traffic to KL Sentral (where you catch the airport buses). The bright and airy central station boasts a convenient left luggage counter (take note Thailand) and I assumed its loos would be equally modern and highly functional. Not! Its toilets were vintage squatters with no toilet paper in sight!

I chose to spend the rest of the day in Bangsar, a once-terminally-cool and now fading-around-the-edges neighborhood located one LRT stop away from KL Sentral. Before meeting friends for lunch and afternoon coffee, I was checking emails at the local internet café when nature called. I headed for the tony Bangsar Village shopping complex located across the street from the dingy internet shop. (Living in Asia for 16 years broaden one’s toilet cleanliness criteria, nonetheless if there’s a choice I’ll opt for a shopping mall loo over an internet pisseria).

Surprise surprise. Bangsar Village II offered squatters —albeit fancy ones like in the picture—in every stall except for the wheelchair access one! (From which very young and ambulatory woman emerged as I entered the bathroom.) Is squatting a Muslim-related predilection?

Other points someone more toilet-trained than I could explore:

1. Malaysian toilet paper is quite thick and from my brief survey, it definitely clogs the “sitters.” So where should I dispose of it? I never saw any small wastebaskets like those provided in most Thai women’s toilets. The only receptacles were those blue sanitary napkin units (like in the photo) and these often overflowed with used TP as well as you-know-what. YUCK!

2. What's up with Malaysian butt spraying technology? Whenever I travel outside of Thailand I miss its handy hoses with the pressurized spray nozzles that you often find hanging adjacent to the toilets. Westerners usually cringe when I describe this modern interpretation of the traditional water bucket and plastic bowl private-part cleaner. Actually it's extremely sanitary, especially when combined with a final TP wipe-off. Those nozzle-less Malaysian hose pipes dangling uselessly near the "squatters" just aren't up to the task!